My New Gypsy Lifestyle

The other day my mother asked how I was liking my new gypsy lifestyle.

I know she was joking around, and I think I answered with something with something defensive and off-the-cuff… but I don’t like it.

I am deeply appreciative of all of my friends who have welcomed me into their homes. I do not look gift horses in the mouths (unless they suffer from really bad teeth). But as good as all of my friend’s homes are and as welcoming as they can be, it’s still not my home. I long for a place of my own.

I feel adrift of the waves of life, searching in the distance for that bit of land. It may be a deserted island, but it would be my deserted island… and it sure beats shark-infested waters.

I don’t ask for pity–on no! I know that life could be worse. I know. Flaming oranges could start falling from the sky (it could happen). I’m just giving all of you an update on where I am right now.

I am surrounded by people. I think I need that. I don’t know what I need, but I appreciate all of you being here.

Thank you.

I have a support group that meets once a month in Portland. There are some members there that have been going for decades. That answers the question of whether or not the pain goes away. It does not. But it makes things a little bit by talking about it. The painful memories get softer as time goes on. The pain never goes away, but over time lessens.

One of the other members talked about her bathroom that is in a constant state of being remodelled. According to her, we survivors like our grand project. And it’s true. I’m not the only one. I have tried to make myself very busy as of late. It fills two missions. It gets my mind off of things, and let’s me build something greater. I want to build something of beauty.

I just discovered the lyrics to the song Survivor, by Destiny’s Child. I think they’re quite apt, and since you’re all a captive audience. I’m gonna make you read them, too. These words have helped.

Now that you’re out of my life, I’m so much better
You thought that I’d be weak without you, but I’m stronger
You thought that I’d be broke without you, but I’m richer
You thought that I’d be sad without you, I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn’t grow without you, now I’m wiser
Though that I’d be helpless without you, but I’m smarter
You thought that I’d be stressed without you, but I’m chillin’
You thought I wouldn’t sell without you, sold nine million
I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’
I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’

Thought I couldn’t breathe without, I’m inhaling
You thought I couldn’t see without you, perfect vision
You thought I couldn’t last without you, but I’m lastin’
You thought that I would die without you, but I’m livin’
Thought that I would fail without you, but I’m on top
Thought it would be over by now, but it won’t stop
Thought that I would self destruct, but I’m still here
Even in my years to come, I’m still gonna be here

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving

I’m wishin’ you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
I’m not gon’ blast you on the radio
I’m not gon’ lie on you and your family
I’m not gon’ hate on you in the magazines
I’m not gon’ compromise my Christianity
You know I’m not gon’ diss you on the Internet
‘Cause my Mama taught me better than that

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving
I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving

After all of the darkness and sadness
Still comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things
I’ll gain prosperity

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving
I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive

Keep on surviving
I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I’m not gon’ stop
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on surviving

P.S. There has been a whole lotta spam here. I am now aware of that (thanks, Alicia!). So, there were 5,000 comments. I installed a spam checker, which killed all but 1,200. I’ll endeavor to clear a hundred a day. We’ll be all clutter-free very soon. Sorry about that.

built

The World Wasn’t Built for You

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately. I’m looking at the world with new eyes. I feel like the worst has already happened to me. Anything short of that… that’s small stuff. And yet there is some real problems in this world.

If you’re 5’3” with decent health, 2.3 kids, a steady job, and a 401k, you likely don’t think about the problems of the world. “1 in 9 people are starving? That’s horrible! I’ll definitely put that on Facebook. Speaking of food, does anyone have plans for lunch? I’m thinking something foreign.”

If there’s something wrong in the world, does he or she even have time to do anything about it? Can they stand in a picket line (if that’s even effective) when they have to go to a job 8 hours per day? Remember Occupy Wall Street? Is the 99% better off now? No. The answer is no.

Pollution. Health Care. Poverty. You can say that’s pretty messed up and go on with you life. If you’re touched by something bad, you see how broken the system is. Before something bad goes wrong in your life, you assume that the system is there for the disadvantaged. It’s not. We have each other and we have friends. Choose wisely.

So what do you do? Hey, I’m shrugging my shoulders like the rest of you. We’ll just have to leave it to politicians, and you know they aren’t going to do anything.

Americans are in the business to charge other Americans too much money. Corporations know. They took all their business overseas where it’s cheaper. Even if stuff is “made in the USA” there’s something made overseas. You’d be very hard pressed to have anything exclusive to the states—soup to nuts.

That’s really dark. Humans don’t like dark. “Is anybody else hungry for lunch?”

graves

Death Is A Tragedy

Death is a Tragedy. It comes in many forms.
If a child died before his or her time.
If a person dies from an illness.
If a person died in an accident.
If a person dies of old age.
If a person dies in war.
For any reason, death has a wide effect, and in all cases, it is tragic.

We will all die. It is the human condition to both accept the fact and ignore it at the same time. It won’t happen to me. Not yet.

Think of your closest friends and relatives. People you never want to see hurting. At some point, you will mourn at their funeral, or they will mourn at yours.

I don’t say this to be a downer. I speak only the truth, after all. Since we do not know when they time will be ours, or someone else we hold dear, we shouldn’t hold back. If there’s something to be said, say it. If there is something to be done, do it. You don’t know how much time is left.

Love on those around you–those you care about. After all is gone, your love will live on. When someone we love passes, we remember the love–us for they and they for us. Leave something for others to remember you with love.

I love all of you. If you read this, smile. You are loved.